Two Mothers
by poeticprincess146
Summary: Annika is a girl who has been bullied all her life, just becasue her parents are lesbians. She has just moved schools and is trying to get by anotehr year by being invisible. Will she susceed?
1. Three women and tons of rumors

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	2. A new beginning

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	3. I like you

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	4. The scar

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	5. Tears running down

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	6. The truth comes out

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	7. Lean on me

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	8. Head spins

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	9. Alone again

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	10. New memebers

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	11. Finally smiling

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	12. The cat fight

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


	13. Its all my fault

**Two-Mothers **

**Chapter one**

"**I hate the word lesbian; it tells you nothing; **

**Its only purpose is to inflame." **

**~Jeanette Winterson~**

When I was a little girl I always thought that everyone had two mothers, just like me. I was told by mothers, Penelope and Amelia, when I was six; I was adopted. I had always assumed that I looked like both of them. I wished that I had Penelope's hazel eyes or Amelia's brown hair. But, instead I have chocolate skin, green eyes, and long black hair. I was also told that they adopted me in Africa where both my real parents died because of disease. I was shockedmore than sad that I wouldn't get to see my real parents ever again. But, I was given a picture of both of them and I can see that I have my fathers jutted out chin and my mother's green eyes. But, as soon as I found out about being adopted, the abuse started. I had made a friend the day before and I immediately told her that I was adopted and had two mothers, not even thinking about the consequences. She scrunched up her face like she had smelled something disgusting and opened her eyes wide. She told me I was weird and spread it around; de-friending me as she went. The next day everyone was whispering my name and looking at me like I was an alien. They called me names that I don't even want to mention. I ran home crying and told my mother's everything that had happed. They said it was because of jealous that this happened. I had two mothers and everyone else had only one. Don't worry about it, they had said behind fake smiles, pushing it aside like it was nothing. I could tell what they were saying wasn't going to be true. I am going into grade nine now and I have been bullied for eight years. I have moved schools five times and somehow everyone found out that I had two mothers. I don't know what was put into their heads that having two mothers is wrong but I have come to think that everyone wants to be the same; no one stands out and no one is different. It's like nobody can think for themselves and have to go by only one person's opinion so everyone can talk, walk, dress, and act all the same. So, the conclusions that I have come to is I can't let myself get close to anyone. The only choice I have is to put my trust in my mothers and hope everything will be okay. That's all I can do to stop myself from getting hurt.

**Chapter two**

"**Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today."**

**~James Dean~**

_Grade nine, how am I going to get through another year?_ I thought to myself. _It will have to be different, no more crying and pain this time. This is your break, make it worth your while! _I was about to walk through the doors of my high school, trying to give myself a self-pep talk, I guess. It was a bit early so that was good that I wouldn't have to talk with anybody and slip up about my situation with my family. I headed straight to the office to grab my locker combination, schedule, and map of the huge school, hoping that I wouldn't get lost.

"Good morning." Said a male voice from behind me as I immediately tensed up. My first instinct was to run, avoid the conversation completely. But, that would just look suspicious. _Just try to act normal, like you have nothing to hide. _I gave myself a little confidence and took a deep breath, as I turned around. I thought it would be just a teacher welcoming me to the school but it was a student, standing there with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"Hello." I whispered, looking down at my newly bought converse shoes and not looking him in the eye.

"How do you do? My name is Elliot. I will be your guide for this morning. I noticed you were new and a bit early too. Follow me, it won't take long." He motioned his hand for me to follow. Elliot pointed a few "interesting artifacts" of the school. But after he was done there was complete awkward silence between us. I willed this to be over soon so I could get back to fitting in.

"So, where did you come from….ah? I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"It's Annika and I came from Calgary."

"Oh, all the way to Toronto? Wow, you must love to travel."

"Yeah, you have no idea…" I said as tears sprung into the back of my eyes; bringing back terrible memories of the hurt, the laughing in my face, and the moving. Running away from my problems, I had noticed, didn't work. I blinked hard a couple of times and pretended I was interested in the school's scenery, trying to distract myself.

"So, which classroom do you have for your first term?" he asked cautiously, obviously noticing that I was upset. I cursed under my breath. I didn't want anyone to know what was upsetting me; of course, and I didn't want anyone to know I existed; stick to the shadows, that was my plan.

"Umm…room 103."

"Well that's on your left. I will see you later after your class. I would suppose that you would need to be shown where your next class is."

"Well…"

"Great! I will see you at ten thirty." He waved over his shoulder as he walked away. Confused, I waved back. What just happened?

**Chapter Three **

"**Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." **

**~Evan Esar~**

I've always been jealous of how all of the other kids with different sex parents talk about their fathers. They always say "My father showed me how to play catch" or "My father showed me how to fix a car." They always brag about their fathers, like they are some trophy they just won to stick on their shelf to admire. I told my mother's this and they said that they could do all those things just as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mothers with all my heart, it's just sometimes I wish I had that male presence in my life; a father figure, even a grandfather. But no, I don't have a male figure in my life because both my mother's dad's died in a car crash just before they adopted me. They were both good friends and they were heading off to a golf game when they were hit in the side of the car by a drunk driver. The car rolled and they both died instantly. My mother's always talk about their fathers as strong-willed men who weren't afraid of anything. But, they both had a soft spot somewhere in their soul and loved kids. My mother's always said I would have loved them both. So, that's four people that have died in my life. That's great, more drama and sadness in my life that I have to deal with, just what I need. As I was remembering all four of them and was just about to break into tears the school bell rang which told me I would have to have another awkward walk with Elliot to my next class. I blinked back the tears and met up with Elliot. I have to say, it is truly hard not to tell anyone, except my mothers, how I'm feeling. It's depressing not to have a friend to talk to in order to lift this imaginary bolder from my shoulders. It hurts to hear gossip spread around about my family and mother's. I wish I had the courage to speak up and stand up for myself. But, years of being bullied about the same thing really wears you down; emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I would have said something earlier to at least have had a say. But, I thought that it would go away eventually and people would get bored talking, gossiping and whispering about the same thing for so many years. I hoped they would eventually forget about me, to never know I ever existed; which would probably be better for everyone, but apparently they don't get tired of talking about my family's position, for some weird reason. They have no right to even make up a story about me in the first place, they don't even know me. I have to try to forget about all of this, if it is even possible, and move on with the next chapter of my life. I really hope that all of this will go down in history and be forgotten.

It's now lunch time and so glad am I that the awkward talks and walks from classroom to classroom with Elliot would soon be over. I would at least get a little peace and be able to calm the pounding headache that was starting to form. Oh look, here comes Elliot now, heading straight for my table. Great…He sat down promptly, like we were "best friends forever."

"Good afternoon Annika, I, your tour guide, would like to accompany you for lunch. Do you except?" Elliot said formally and with a British accent, like he had come straight from London, England. I couldn't help but smile, which is a little tug of the corners of my mouth since I hardly smile anymore, at the silliness of someone wanting to sit down with the freak with the lesbian mom's. But, of course he doesn't know that.

"So, are you up to answer some questions?"He asked, back to his normal deep voice.

"No, not really." I said truthfully. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"I want to get to know you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I like you." He answered with a smirk. I nodded slowly.

"I have to go." I got up without waiting for his reply, tears springing into my eyes for the third time today. Well, I guess operation "Get a Fresh Start" wasn't going as planned. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside, already crying. It really kills that I can't trust or tell anybody anything about myself. It feels like I can't breathe sometimes because I bottle up all of my emotions and then finally one day I explode or at least it feels that way. Some days I think why me? Why my parents? Why my grandfathers? What did we do to deserve this? If we are getting punished for something then somebody better fess up soon because I am so tired of everything right now.

**Chapter Four**

"**Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you."**

**~Muhammad Ali~**

I had made it through a week of school without anybody calling me names or hurting me physically or emotionally. The least amount of time I had without telling anybody was a day and the most amount of time was two weeks. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find out this time. But, as soon as I thought I was safe from any harm and hadn't told anybody, I was pushed against lockers, hard, by a group of big, buff and scary looking bullies. I panicked for a second that they knew and the whole trauma was about to resurface again. _No, they couldn't know because I had hardly talked to anyone but Elliot and I didn't spill anything, that I knew. _So, I was safe with that part but what was their problem? I have always wondered what bullies got from hurting others. Was it just to make themselves big because they were totally off on that part. Being pushed against the lockers brought back a terrible memory from when I was in grade five, my third school. I wasn't hurt emotionally, it was more physical and I also got lots of cyber bulling through e-mails. I remember I would come home every day with bruises running up and down my arms and legs. I wore long sleeved shirts and didn't darn get into a bathing suit. But, one day it went too far and I got a black eye, which I couldn't hid; not even with makeup and someone had cut me with a fishing knife; all the way from my left shoulder down to my wrist. It was a really deep cut and I fainted from the loss of blood. Nobody found me until four hours after school was let out. I was rushed to the hospital and was given blood to make up for the loss of half my blood supply. I almost died from hyperthermia because it was minus 40. I was quickly transferred to my fourth school and was put in therapy. I still have the scar, which will never fade, and will always remind me of that terrible day that still haunts me in my dreams. I came out of that memory into reality of my head pounding, the ringing in my ears and a goose-egg starting to form on the back of my head. Elliot quickly rushed over to help pick up my books and to see if I was okay. Tears were running down my cheeks as I smiled weakly at him, saying I was fine. I rushed to the bathroom to puke from being so scared and sick from the memory. I guess it's time to book a time to do some daily crying.

**Chapter Five **

"**Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."**

**~Harvey S. Firestone~ **

With all these flashbacks I'm been having from my past, I don't think I am ever going to forget about it, no matter how hard I try. _Keep moving forward. _That's what I've been telling myself for the past couple of weeks. But, how am I going to move forward if I can't even make a single friend because I'll get beat up or hurt if I tell them about my past. It's stupid that some people think it's wrong to be gay or lesbian. It's okay with me if someone falls in love with their sex. But, I guess not with others. So, they beat up me because my parents are lesbians? It's pretty dumb, if you ask me. I know my parents feel really bad and think that it's their entire fault, but I know it's not. I know that some people are brainwashed and can't think for themselves. That's the only reasonable explanation I can give right now that actually makes sense.

At school Elliot has been keeping an extra close eye on me and it's a little uncomfortable. Well, I guess he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of me but I can tell you I'll be just fine. _Will I truly be ever okay? _I think to myself as I walk down the halls of my high school. Probably not, but as long as no one is beating me up of calling me names then I'm okay with that. Elliot catches my eye and starts to walk toward me. I really didn't want to talk to him at that moment so I speed up my pace and pretend I don't notice him. I could hear he is struggling to catch up with me so I sped up even more until he sprints in front of me, as I am stopped n my tracks.

"Annika, could you please tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded to me with his big, brown eyes.

"I can't." I whispered. "You wouldn't understand." I shook my head and push past him but he grabs my arm, softly.

"I just want to know if you are okay."

"Well, I'm fine." I say as tears spring into my eyes. "I'll be fine." I repeat unconvincingly. Why was he doing this?

"You don't look fine."

"Well, maybe I will never be okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I jerked my arm away and run out the front doors. I didn't care if I missed my classes; I'd call in sick. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my mother's arms. I could hear Elliot calling after me but me didn't follow. I like Elliot, I really do. It's just the situation I'm in keeps pushing him away because I could probably predict what is going to happen next if I told him.

**Chapter Six **

"**Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." **

**~Albert Camus~**

It's been a month since I talked with Elliot and maybe it's better that way. I really miss seeing him try to make me laugh and how he cared so much about me for reasons that are unexplained. He called me six times and I let them all go to voice mail, even though I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. Well, I guess we have the advanced technology systems now-a-days, so that might be a reason. Finally, he stopped calling and left me alone. I asked my mother's to see what their opinion for this situation was. They suggested we could move again but that wouldn't do us any good; it would just start all over again. So, I decided to stop talking to him and see how that worked out. Not too well, so far, I have figured out. He was as close as a friend could get to me and I miss the feeling of being noticed and cared for by one of my fellow students. I am starting to think that I should tell him about my past and then run.

I called Elliot and said that I needed to talk to him. He agreed quickly that it was a good idea and we decided to meet at a quiet café where we could talk privately. I was the first to arrive and picked a corner that looked like a great place to talk about my past. I ordered two cappuccinos and waited; while my body shook and my hands sweat. _This wasn't going to be pretty._ I thought. I hoped he would react like the sweet and caring Elliot I knew but who knows; people can change in a second. At that moment the bell on the café door rung and in waltzed Elliot. He looked dashing, I always thought he was, and concerned; as his eyes landed on me. He sped up his pace and quickly sat down; taking my hand in his, which I removed promptly.

"It's been awhile." Elliot was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry. I had to clear my head and I needed some time to think alone."

"That's alright, everyone feels like that sometimes." That's what I liked about Elliot. Never questioning anything I did or said, just giving me space when I needed but, with a little bit of caring involved. "So what did you call me over here for? I know it must be important, since you haven't been speaking to me."

"Yeah, it is really important. I really like you and I would love to have you as a friend so, that's why I have to say this. But, don't judge me until I'm finished, okay?" Elliot looked really confused but nodded. I gulped and started. I told him every horrifying detail of these past eight years. I started with how I was adopted and that I had two lesbian parents. Then, told him about every word spat in my face, every punch intended to hurt me, every one of those three hundred and fifty hatred filled emails and every one I lost that was dear to me. Throughout the whole time I was talking Elliot's face want from horror, disbelieve, and then sorrow. His mouth formed an "O" every once in a while too. By the end of it I was sobbing, hard, and taking deep breaths. I couldn't look him in the eye, not yet, so I stared down at my empty coffee cup, still crying. I know everyone was eyeing me with concerned looks and I couldn't look any of them in the eye either. I could tell Elliot was still trying to digest what I had just said because he hadn't said anything either.

"Common, let's get out of here." Elliot sounded mad; I hoped not at me. I looked at him, surprised, but nodded slowly. He left a tip for the waitress and we headed off to God knows where.

**Chapter seven **

"**A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."**

**~Author Unknown~**

I was surprised when Elliot took me to a beach. But I could guess why he would because it was really peaceful and quiet; a good place to think. I had relaxed, just a pinch, while Elliot was furious. He was kicking around sand, pulling at his hair and throwing rocks into the water. He tried to say something once or twice but rethought it and went on with his rampage. I waited, very patiently, for him to calm down enough to talk. He eventually did and came to sit beside me in the sand.

"Why?" Was all Elliot said after a while.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly exhausted.

"Why would they choose you to hurt and pick on? They don't even know you. And picking on you just because you have two mothers, now that's just wrong. Don't you ever ask yourself these types of questions?"

"I ask myself all sorts of questions that have to do with my past and none of them can be answered reasonably." Elliot was still pulling at his hair so I gently pulled his hands from his head and put them into my hands; giving them a little squeeze and hanging onto them for dear life. Surprisingly, he squeezed back.

"You know, you are a survivor; to deal with all of this."

"I still am dealing with it today."

"Yes, I know. I was wondering why you didn't think you could trust anybody or make any friends. You didn't tell me how it started."

"It started with me trusting somebody I thought was my friend and I shared a very personal secret with them. They broke that trust wall the second they got that chance; I kept moving schools, thinking it would be different. So, when I had put my feelings and trust into somebody they would get it into everybody's head that being different was wrong; making them hate me as they went." I started to cry again. "I don't deserve to be treated that way, nobody does." I raised my voice by each word and pressed my lips together to keep from trembling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." Elliot whispered as he put a comforting arm around my shoulders.

"It wasn't you, just the memories." I sniffed.

"Well, I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what." I smiled at him and squeezed his hands to try to express to him how thankful I was to be cared for. I stiffened as I thought of something I had forgotten to tell him.

"You mustn't tell anybody; not ever, promise?"

"But…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear on it!"

"I swear on our friendship that I won't tell a soul what you have just said to me; cross my heart." I relaxed and leaned into him as we both stared into the stunning sunset; both feeling that we accomplished something.

**Chapter eight**

"**You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."**

**~Jonathan Carroll~**

One night my parents had gone out on a date and I was home alone, watching a scary movie, when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone so I got a little freaked out but it was only Elliot.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, worried that something might be wrong.

"Just came to check up on you and I missed you."

"Oh! Well, will you come in?" I was a little confused that Elliot missed me because we see each other at school every day. So, either he is being protective or he really wants to see me. Elliot stepped into the house and looked around.

"Nice place you got here." Elliot was still standing on the door mat; I guess he was waiting to see if it was okay with me if he had come unexpectedly.

"Please take a seat, make yourself comfy. I'll be right back." I was wearing a tank top that exposed my scar. I wasn't comfortable letting someone stare at it. I came back in a jiffy, now wearing a sweater and Elliot looked saddened. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"That scar on your arm, someone did that to you, didn't they?"

"Elliot, please no more…"

"I want to know. I care about you and I'm worried that you are bottling emotions up inside of you. You can tell me everything. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you but not as much as I want to."

"Who did it to you?" Elliot was furious now.

"Elliot, please! It was a long time ago and…"

"I don't care! If someone hurt you…." Elliot chocked on his words. "I just can't stand it if someone hurt you, ever. I don't see why they would want to." Elliot said, quieting down.

"Elliot, I'm fine. That was such a long time ago and besides, I'm putting the past behind me."

"Annika, I know you can't put your past behind you, I can see it in everything you do. You aren't going to be fine because all of them hurt you, not just on the outside but in the inside too. I know that when someone is scarred internally it will never fade or go away, ever." I broke down in tears because I knew he was right. I will always remember everything they did to me, no matter what I do to push it out of my mind. Elliot came over to me and folded his pale arms around me.

"I can't handle this anymore, Elliot." I cried between huge gulps of air. "It's so hard."

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'm here. Everything will be alright." He cooed.

"Nothing will be alright anymore. I'll never be the same because those jerks made me who I am today. I'm self-conscious, I can't trust anybody, and I'm always crying. It isn't fair that they don't get punished for what they did and I have to suffer. Nobody even knows what happened to me!" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I know what happened. Isn't that all that matters? That just one person knows?"

"I guess….You know, I have always wished that everyone would know what it's like to be bullied; so at least we could do something about it. But, that will never happen; I'm just one person." I sighed. Elliot tightens his grip on me and held me closer.

"You know, I could never do anything at all to hurt you in anyway. You're safe with me, you know that right?"

"Of course. Whenever I'm around you, you give off this calming surrounding that makes me feel so good inside." I was confused for a second why he said what he said and where it came from.

"I'm glad." Elliot pulled back and kissed me for the very first time. "I love you." He whispered in my ear and I could feel he meant every word. I didn't know what to say at first so I pressed my lips on his. I think I was starting to love him back.

**Chapter Nine**

"**Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it's letting go."**

**~Herman Hesse~**

I was feeling really good when I went back to school after the weekend. I was eager to see Elliot because he had just told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back so badly; I knew that I loved him back, definitely. So, I guess I had a boyfriend plus a best friend; that's a bonus! But, the first thing that caught my eye was colored posters pinned all around the school. I read one quickly and felt my blood run cold.

Help out Annika Bradman!

_Annika had been bullied her whole life just because her parents are lesbians. She has been physically, emotionally, and cyber bullied by her own fellow classmates. She moved schools five times and has been scarred inside and out. If you think this is wrong please meet Elliot Pickle in the Commons Room at lunch. Think of all of the bullies that could be stopped from this horrible trauma and all the students that would be grateful for your help to stop this from happening any longer!_

My first thought was: _It's going to happen all over again! Who would have done this? Elliot was the only one I told…Crap. Just as I was being to trust him and fall in love with him too! _Now I was mad. _I'm going to kill him! _ I started toward Elliot, who was standing by his locker and I ripped down most of the posters as I went. I stomped over to him and before he even had time to greet me, I slapped him hard across the cheek. Everyone stared and looked over at us in astonishment.

"What the hell are these?" I screamed at him, as I waved the flyers in his face.

"Annika, let's go talk about this somewhere else." Elliot said painfully as he clamped down on my arm and tugged me along. I struggled, but he was to strong so I sat down on the ground, acting like a child. I didn't care; I wasn't going anywhere with him. Elliot picked me off the ground and carried me away, as I screeched, clawed and kicked; anything I could do to get away. But, it was no use; he had a very tight hold around me. He took me to the janitor's closet, locked the door and turned on the light. I was crying hysterically now. I was so scared for the future; I knew it was going to happen all over again. I sat on the ground, with my head in my hands. Elliot tried to put his arms around me but I hit him and scooted as far away from him as I could.

"I trusted you and you broke your promise! You're just like everyone else!"

"Annika, please! Let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies and excuses! Those posters are going to ruin my life and make it happen all over again! Now let me out of this room!" I tried to push past him but he grabbed my waist and held me in front of him.

"Not until I explain."

"Let go of me!"

"Annika…"

"Let go of me or I'll scream!" He obediently let go. I stepped away and around him, he didn't stop me. I could see the hurt spread all over his face.

"I am never going to give up on you and I won't ever stop loving you; no matter what you say or do I will never give up." That was the last thing he said to me.

"And I'll never forgive you." I said bitterly. I stepped out of the closet and my knees buckled and I fell to the floor, crying. I cried hard and loud and I knew Elliot heard. It's time to start running again.

**Chapter ten**

"**For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. For everything you gain, you lose something else." **

**~Ralph Waldo Emerson~ **

Eventually, some teachers heard my noisy crying and helped me off the floor. I was sent straight the therapists office; they knew I had an experience with bullies before so they assumed it had happened again. They called my mother's immediately and they drove me home. As soon as we walked to the front steps I engulfed my mom's in a big hug; Penelope stroking my hair and Amelia rubbing my hands, just the way I liked.

"We have to move again." I said quietly

"We know." They said in unison.

"But first, we want you to meet someone after supper." Penelope said.

"Is that okay if we don't leave today?" Amelia asked and I nodded. We walked inside the house and I told them I was tired, that I needed to rest; which I really wasn't. I needed to think. _Was it really worth running again? _A little voice inside my head asked. It was if I was going to get bullied. My cell phone was ringing off the hook from teachers asking if I was okay. But, mostly it was Elliot and I let all of those go to voice-mail. I spent most of the evening inside my bedroom thinking about everything. I didn't come down for supper, I wasn't even hungry. I only came down when I heard the doorbell ring and was wondering who my parents had invited over. I was the first to open the door and there was a very tall, dark skinned and ageing man standing before me.

"Hello, you must be Annika. My name is David Sisisky." He said in a deep, throaty voice. He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"It's very nice to meet you." I said politely, but cautiously. I could hear he had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Penelope came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Come in David, please. Take a seat." She motioned for him to sit down in our tiny living room. Amelia took me to the side as Penelope went to talk with Mr. Sisisky.

"Annika, would you go clean yourself up and bring in the snacks when you're done." She was about to walk away when she thought of something else to say. "I know that these past eight years have been really hard on you but it will get better, I promise." She caressed my cheek in her hand and then she scurried into the living room. I want into the bathroom and I looked really beat up. There was makeup streaming down my face, my eyes were bloodshot, my face had a tint of red to it and my hair was all matted up. I straighten myself up, brought in the snacks and took a seat closet to my mothers. I noticed everyone had stopped talking as soon as I walked into the room and David was staring right into my eyes. Tears started to run down his face.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "It's just Annika looks so much like her mother and father."

"What do you know about my parents? Who are you, anyways?" I spat.

"Annika!" Penelope and Amelia both scolded me. I gave them apologetic looks but I was getting fed up with the hold up. I wanted to know what this stranger was doing in our house.

"No, it's fine. She doesn't know who I am yet and she has a right to know." David said. "Your mother, bless her soul, was my daughter and your father was my son-in-law."

"So that means you're my…."

"Grandfather." David finished for me. "I'm your grandfather."

**Chapter Eleven **

"**What is heard has to be pondered over. What is pondered over has to be put into practice. It is only when all three are accomplished that the realization of bliss can be attained." **

**~Sri Sathya Sai Baba~ **

I stared open mouth at all three of them. I was in total shock. _I have a grandfather? _

"I thought that both my grandfathers had died in a car crash, right?" I was dazed and confused.

"Yes, but those weren't your grandfathers related by blood; David is." Penelope explained.

"You also have another grandfather back in Africa. He is coming by plane in three days. So, I am your mother's father and your other grandfather is…"

"My father's dad. Wow. Are you sure you are my grandfather because there could be a mistake…"

"There is no mistake. I even took some blood tests before I came. You are my granddaughter, I know that for sure." At that remark I ran over to him and hugged him with all my might. I could tell I knocked the wind out of him when I ran to him, but he squeezed me back just as hard.

"You were always talking about how you would have wanted a male presence in your life, like a grandfather. So, we pulled a couple of strings to contact him and we told him the whole story. He agreed to fly over as soon as possible. And look! You got two instead of one!" Amelia exclaimed.

"I was so excited to see you. I couldn't believe I had my granddaughter back. We had all thought you had caught the disease along with your parents but we never found your body." His old and tired eyes showed me what he had gone through, thinking I was dead. His eyes reminded me of my own, filled with years and years of sadness.

"Does he know everything? My past, I mean." I asked my mother's. They nodded.

"I am so sorry, Annika, that you had to go through that, for eight years! But, I am glad you have two strong-willed mothers to raise you and help you through those awful times."

"I don't regret a second I spend with them." I smiled. I nuzzled my face into my grandfather's neck and breathed in his musky sent. Yep, things were finally looking on the bright side.

**Chapter Twelve **

**"If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old." **

**~James A. Garfield~**

David and I bonded really well with each other. He was in good shape so he taught me how to play baseball and how to properly slide into in to a base. I had tons of fun with him and he told me many stories of my mother and father and stories about him. It was so much of fun that I forgot all of my problems; I was as carefree as I could get. My other grandfather, Gage Creswell, didn't have that connection as me and David did. But, he did have some really good stories to tell that were easy to listen to about his country and myth tales of dragons and faries. It was all good fun until reality started to sink in that I would have to go back to school and face Elliot and my classmates. We had decided to stay and I would see what would happen at school; if it was bad we would leave and if it wasn't we would stay, simple as that. Gage and David decided to move in with us for a whole year; that was exciting! I was so glad that I had two father figures in my life!

I went back to school, expecting the worse. Many were eyeing me; some angry, some confused, and some filled with sorrow. _Going well, so far, _I thought to myself. I walked very cautiously, prepared to make a run for it as soon as possible. But, I wasn't watching my back and someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt; blocking off my air supply. Remember those bullies who shoved me into the lockers? Well, these were the same ones. _This is going to be bad._

"You think you're better than everyone else, huh?" The first bully breathed down at me. There were many of them, all punk rockers dressed in black. I squirmed under his grip and tried to get away from his garlic breath.

"No, I don't. But, this isn't going to help the situation if you use physical force, you know." I tried to be calm but my heart was pounding like a thousand horses.

"Oh, look here boys. We got are selves a smart mouth. She is goanna be real easy to take down. What do you have to say to that, princess?" The bully gang crackled with laughter. The halls were silent but I could tell that there were many people standing around watching to see what would happen next. I know all of these standbys weren't going to do anything to try and help me; all they did was watch in horror, I've seen it happen many times before. I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what I did; might as well go down trying.

"This!" I answered his question as I kneaded him where he was tender and his grip loosened. I ran but I didn't get far as I was tackled like I was in a football game by the gang of bullies; defending their master. I kicked, punched, clawed, bit, elbowed, and kneaded anyone who was trying to hurt me. I heard an excruciating and painful crack, that I thought could be heard from miles away. I felt it deep inside of me and I knew that I had broken my leg. I looked back and saw the bone was sticking straight up and blood was flying everywhere. When I saw that I stopped trying to get to the surface of the waves of bullies and tried to block my leg from getting hurt any longer. The gang was going all at it now as they put it at full speed. They formed a circle around me and took turns punching and kicking wherever they could. The standbys were still watching, doing nothing as always. Finally the pain was too much so I started to scream, as loud as I could.

"Somebody help me!" I yelled in their direction, between blows. "Please! Anybody! Do something!" I was crying and holding my leg, keeping pressure. I heard someone call my name and it was Elliot, I could tell. I heard teachers yelling at the bullies to stop.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Elliot screamed. "Couldn't you see she needed help?" Elliot came rushing to my side I was so glad I was awake to see his face for one last time. I got one finale blow to the side of my head, hard, and I fell into darkness.

**Chapter Thirteen **

"**Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross~**

I knew I was dying. From the moment that foot contacted with my temple I knew that I was going to die that day. I wasn't scared; I had lived my life to the fullest, trudging through the pain and hurt I had had in my life. I was ready to leave this world and be forgotten. I felt no pain and I saw no evil. I didn't see any light that would have invited me to hevan but I did see my parents, becoming me to come with them. I so badly wanted to fold into their arms but I had to say goodbye. I had to tell Elliot how much he met to me and how he had changed me. I had to tell my mother's how much I loved them and I would never forget them. I had to tell my grandfathers that I was so glad that I got to finally meet them, after all these years, But, my parents told me I didn't have time for that, that I either came now or I would never see them again. So, I chose to go with my parents, where I knew I was going to live forever and I haven't come back since.

It's been two years since Annika left us. I watched the life leave her body and her breath slow to a stop. I knew they wouldn't be able to bring her back. The doctors told me that she died from a blow to the head. I cried by her lifeless body for hours until I was gently told that I would have to leave because her family wanted to criminate her. I still am in love with her and never will forget what she said, did, or had to go through. Her mother's and grandfathers haven't comprehended her death yet and I don't think they ever will. Sometimes I think that she isn't dead, that she is still alive and well. I always think that if I turn around she will be behind me, waiting for me to give her a hug; with that gorgeous smile on her lips that I crave to see. But, then I remember that she won't be there, no matter how many times I turn around. All that's left of her are her ashes kept in a in a jar above her mother's fireplace. I always think _what if I got there sooner?_ Or _why didn't I notice earlier that she was in pain? Would she still be alive and well if I would have done something earlier?_ I always blame myself for her death and take pity on myself; even though I know perfectly well that I am powerless to change the past. I cry every day about her and I remember her time after time. I thought I should start a fundraiser so that nobody will ever have to experience what Annika did, hopefully, ever again.

**The End.**


End file.
